Feverish

I think I need to stop obsessing over my health and the way I talk about it. I tell everyone about it and its almost become a topic of conversation. I'm sure my friends are sick of me moaning and groaning about things that hurt. But I can't help it. I need that outlet. Though, in a way, this is suppose to be my outlet. Another way for me to get it all out of my system without alienating any of my friends.

I'm pretty sure I had a bit of a fever today at work. I had a major headache and I started feeling dizzy, lightheaded and like I wanted to puke. I didn't feel overly warm, just a little so that makes me not so sure. I took an advil and a couple hours later I felt a lot better.

Still very weird.

My stitches are really itchy and they hurt slightly. Sometimes I kind of have to hold it down so that it doesn't move to lessen the pain. I try not to move too quickly. They seem to be healing okay, but still no ultimate game tonight. Its for the best.

A Visit to the Dermatologist

"Okay, well, I'm going to do a biopsy. Hop up on this and we'll get started," said my dermatologist.

Umm what? Biopsy? I didn't sign up for this! I thought you were just going to look at it. 

I nervously climb up on top of the bed, laid down and stared and the sterile white ceiling. On the walls are photographs of birds and wildlife. I spotted similar ones in the lobby and wonder if he is a photographer.

I watched him move about his instruments - a little bit of this, a little bit of that. And a nervous, childish question slipped from my lips. "Is this going to hurt?"

"Only the needle," he replied


I went to go see a dermatologist about the rash that has been slowly forming over the course of the past month. I really didn't know what to expect. I thought he would take a look at it and then be able to say something about what it was.

Oh how naive I was.

After talking to me about the rash, how its appeared before and other aspects of my health, he told me that he wanted to do a biopsy. I don't know much about biopsies except that they're used to diagnose cancer. I didn't even know that skin biopsies even existed.

He was talking to me. Telling me what he was going to do, but my mind was too busy freaking out. I barely remember the type of tests that he was taking these for. I know what they're for, but I don't remember the name of them. One is a general test and the other looks for lupus I think.

Once the needle was in that was it. I didn't feel anything else. I don't know why I didn't clue into the fact that of course he would use anesthesia.  If you think about it, its not different than the needle they give you at the dentist when you have a cavity. Easy peasy. Nothing to worry about.

Until I looked down - that was disturbing. Why did I do that? Blood and thread going everywhere. Breathe. It'll be fine. 

As he was sewing me up, I asked him about the photographs. Turns out he did take them all. It was a form of exercise. A way for him to get out and about.

My results will come back in about 10-11 days. I'm booked for a follow up appointment to remove the stitches and he is hoping that they'll have some answers. But for now, I have 2 lines of stitches going along my chest.

My first ever stitches in my life. And it was over a rash.

Stiffness

When I woke up this morning, I couldn't straighten the fingers of my hand without a lot of stiffness and pain. Even now I can't really completely straighten it out without it hurting. But it is a lot better than what it was this morning. I couldn't really close them either. It hurt for me to make a fist. The worst one appears to be the middle finger joint. That is the one that gives me the most pain, even now. But as the day went on, I kept on trying to stretch out my fingers and forcing them to open and close. So now, towards the end of the day, I'm able to move them comfortable and have a reasonable range of motion without pain. Its only when I stretch them out completely or close my fingers into a fist that I feel any discomfort.

I think the stretching really helped throughout the day even though it hurt. Probably also my typing on a keyboard helped. I forced my fingers to move against the keys that they normally hit so they had to loosen up. I don't remember there being too much pain when I was first doing it. Uncomfortable yes, but over time it just got better and I didn't really notice it today.

The dark patch on my right breast is getting bigger and it almost appears like there are flaky bits coming, but I'm not too sure. Its not very big. I'm conflicted. I know that if I put some cream on it, it will go away, but then I also know that if I don't, it'll get bigger and then I can show the doctor. I have an appointment with my specialist in 2 weeks regardless and I think I need to show him what happens. Not just tell him like last time. That is what happened last time. Waited too long, put cream on it and then it was gone by the time I went to go see him.

Aches and Pains

Bah, another day and another day spent fighting my ongoing tiredness. I really have no idea why I am so tired and why I can't just shake it off. Its rather annoying. I feel so weak for it too. Like I can't recover like a normal person. My joints are also really hurting. My right thumb for example is so sore as are both of my shoulders. The shoulder thing makes it difficult for me to sleep properly at night. I can't count the number of times that I woke up in the middle of the night last night to physically turn myself over. I wonder if it is just because I'm so tired that i don't turn in my sleep and I'm just a log? I have no idea.

I need to figure out what is going on with the body and how to calm it down. How to make me less tired. Why do I constantly want to be sleeping? Not to mention that bit of weird skin rash on the right side of my chest. I showed my mom this morning and she told me to put some cream on it. There isn't really anything other than a dark patch. No dry scaly skin yet. But it does seem to be getting bigger as the days go by. It definitely looks like the beginnings of the same rash as I've previously had.

Exhaustion

Today has been a pretty miserable day. The whole day I was struggling to stay awake and with it. I was so exhausted and groggy from the past week of exerting myself. Long days and not enough sleep its all catching up to me.

But I was pretty much a walking zombie for most of the day. Making bad decisions after bad decision.

I more or less slept until noon today. I was up for about an hour during the morning to eat breakfast and then I went back to sleep. It was broken sleep. Not very restful, but I felt a lot better afterwards. But by the later afternoon I was failing already. Barely staying awake. A bath later and dinner, so now I'm here. Typing away.

Hopefully I can go to sleep earlier today and get more rest than normal. Its been such a crazy week and I've been so tired. 

Tiredness

Today for some reason I just feel utterly out of it. I ended up sleeping fairly early last night - around 10 which is a lot better than what I've been doing lately. But in the morning I just couldn't keep my eyes open. So I kept sleeping. I slept an extra hour and a half which made me feel a lot better. But then at work I was sleepy again. I don't know why. I had a pretty active weekend and didn't really get a chance to rest so maybe that is what is causing this. But it seems so silly to be so tired from doing so little and only for a couple of days. I don't know how people have such long days constantly and I can't handle it a couple times.

Things to Know For Your First Electrocardiogram

Or, notes to myself for the next one. 

• Bring running shoes.
• Wear comfortable pants that you can move in.
• If you're a girl, wear a comfortable bra - you're going to be wearing it during the test.
• Bring some water.
• It's not as scary as it looks.
• The stickers on your body are going to be itchy.
• The gown they make you wear is really cumbersome and heavy. 
• Next time will be easier.