Dreams So Real

Last night I had a dream that felt so real to me that when I woke up I was sure it was happening to me. It was all related to my health - something that I've been worrying about (but trying hard not to as I wait). My doctors are giving me the run around. My family doctor says I need to see a specialist and referred me to one, but I can't make the appointment - they have to. They said they sent my file, but when I called the specialist, they don't have anything. And so I keep having to wait. I've called and called. I'm sure the specialist office thinks I'm a pest calling every day. But I have to. I have a timeline, if I want to go back to Budapest. Plus, this is the initial meeting. I'm sure there will be more tests and follow up appointments. I only have 6 weeks left now.

My dream last night was one where I had a major flare up with patches of rashes all over my body, aching bones and general discomfort. I was convinced when I woke up that it was actually happening and it was all over my body. But thankfully it wasn't and it was all a dream. But it was unsettling and until I know for sure either way, its going to continue to be unsettling.

I'm sick of waiting for confirmation. The signs are all there (mostly), and the blood work so far proves it. Of course there are other possibilities than what I think it is, but regardless, there is definitely something wrong. I just want to know so I can focus on getting better and figure out how to manage it. Most days I feel absolutely fine. Occasionally some soreness in my bones - mostly my wrists and sometimes in my elbow and arms. But it could just be me being paranoid. I try not to dwell on it too much, but some days when I'm hurting, I just can't help it. I just want to know and I'm so sick of waiting.

I've made my peace with it. I'm prepared for the worst already, but secretly hoping that its not as bad as I think it is. My mother gives me hope that it'll be okay. She is living proof of it.

The Trip That Almost Was

The following post was originally written in the summer of 2012. You can read the original post here. 

I should be writing this entry from a beach in Croatia, soaking in the sun and the heat, but I’m not. Instead, I’m sitting in bed trying to find the most comfortable position that doesn’t anger my back or put too much pressure on my stomach. Why? Because, apparently I have some sort of infection in my abdomen, but the doctor isn’t exactly sure what it is that I have.

It all started on Sunday evening. I was coming home from a wedding in the Southeast part of Hungary (more about this later) and  when we started approaching Budapest, I realized I wasn’t feeling so great. By the time I got home, I knew something was wrong. I was feeling extremely flushed, dizzy and lightheaded. I thought that maybe it was my blood sugar based on previous experience, but eventually I figured out it was probably a fever. When I took my temperature, it was at 38.8. Definitely a fever. I had spent the majority of the day in the heat and under the sun so I figured it was probably a result of that. I put myself in bed, took an anti-inflammatory pill, rearranged my schedule for the next day and hoped that it would go away the next day.

Nope, it didn’t. My fever returned the next morning and lasted the majority of the day. By late afternoon, it had calmed down, only to return in full force right before I slept at night. That night was miserable – I barely slept. The next morning I made an appointment and went to go see a doctor. A couple tests later and I have a bit of a diagnosis. They’re not exactly sure what exactly it is that I have, and have sent samples to other labs for analysis.

The antibiotics that I’ve been prescribed don’t seem to be doing anything yet and I’m still in constant pain. None of the pain killers do anything. The good thing is I don’t have a fever anymore! Just general tiredness, dizziness and light-headedness. I’ll be headed back to the doctor tomorrow for a follow up.

But for now, I can only pretend that I’m sinking my toes into the sandy beaches of Croatia. There are still many weeks of summer left though so the trip will happen!

Welcome!

I will be writing about my trails and tribulations through the Canadian health care system as they try to diagnose an illness that I have. These writing are mostly for me, an outlet of sorts, but if I can help you in any way, then I'm happy. 

In the summer of 2012, I got inexplicably ill. High fever, lots of pain, dizziness and fever. I was bedridden for a week and then later developed a rash that won't go away. I was working and living in Hungary at the time and the doctors there were unable to find any reason for why I got sick. Since then I have moved back to Canada have gone to see numerous doctors to find reasons for why I have been feeling so crummy lately and to figure out a course of action.

This is my journey.