Feverish

I think I need to stop obsessing over my health and the way I talk about it. I tell everyone about it and its almost become a topic of conversation. I'm sure my friends are sick of me moaning and groaning about things that hurt. But I can't help it. I need that outlet. Though, in a way, this is suppose to be my outlet. Another way for me to get it all out of my system without alienating any of my friends.

I'm pretty sure I had a bit of a fever today at work. I had a major headache and I started feeling dizzy, lightheaded and like I wanted to puke. I didn't feel overly warm, just a little so that makes me not so sure. I took an advil and a couple hours later I felt a lot better.

Still very weird.

My stitches are really itchy and they hurt slightly. Sometimes I kind of have to hold it down so that it doesn't move to lessen the pain. I try not to move too quickly. They seem to be healing okay, but still no ultimate game tonight. Its for the best.

A Visit to the Dermatologist

"Okay, well, I'm going to do a biopsy. Hop up on this and we'll get started," said my dermatologist.

Umm what? Biopsy? I didn't sign up for this! I thought you were just going to look at it. 

I nervously climb up on top of the bed, laid down and stared and the sterile white ceiling. On the walls are photographs of birds and wildlife. I spotted similar ones in the lobby and wonder if he is a photographer.

I watched him move about his instruments - a little bit of this, a little bit of that. And a nervous, childish question slipped from my lips. "Is this going to hurt?"

"Only the needle," he replied


I went to go see a dermatologist about the rash that has been slowly forming over the course of the past month. I really didn't know what to expect. I thought he would take a look at it and then be able to say something about what it was.

Oh how naive I was.

After talking to me about the rash, how its appeared before and other aspects of my health, he told me that he wanted to do a biopsy. I don't know much about biopsies except that they're used to diagnose cancer. I didn't even know that skin biopsies even existed.

He was talking to me. Telling me what he was going to do, but my mind was too busy freaking out. I barely remember the type of tests that he was taking these for. I know what they're for, but I don't remember the name of them. One is a general test and the other looks for lupus I think.

Once the needle was in that was it. I didn't feel anything else. I don't know why I didn't clue into the fact that of course he would use anesthesia.  If you think about it, its not different than the needle they give you at the dentist when you have a cavity. Easy peasy. Nothing to worry about.

Until I looked down - that was disturbing. Why did I do that? Blood and thread going everywhere. Breathe. It'll be fine. 

As he was sewing me up, I asked him about the photographs. Turns out he did take them all. It was a form of exercise. A way for him to get out and about.

My results will come back in about 10-11 days. I'm booked for a follow up appointment to remove the stitches and he is hoping that they'll have some answers. But for now, I have 2 lines of stitches going along my chest.

My first ever stitches in my life. And it was over a rash.

Stiffness

When I woke up this morning, I couldn't straighten the fingers of my hand without a lot of stiffness and pain. Even now I can't really completely straighten it out without it hurting. But it is a lot better than what it was this morning. I couldn't really close them either. It hurt for me to make a fist. The worst one appears to be the middle finger joint. That is the one that gives me the most pain, even now. But as the day went on, I kept on trying to stretch out my fingers and forcing them to open and close. So now, towards the end of the day, I'm able to move them comfortable and have a reasonable range of motion without pain. Its only when I stretch them out completely or close my fingers into a fist that I feel any discomfort.

I think the stretching really helped throughout the day even though it hurt. Probably also my typing on a keyboard helped. I forced my fingers to move against the keys that they normally hit so they had to loosen up. I don't remember there being too much pain when I was first doing it. Uncomfortable yes, but over time it just got better and I didn't really notice it today.

The dark patch on my right breast is getting bigger and it almost appears like there are flaky bits coming, but I'm not too sure. Its not very big. I'm conflicted. I know that if I put some cream on it, it will go away, but then I also know that if I don't, it'll get bigger and then I can show the doctor. I have an appointment with my specialist in 2 weeks regardless and I think I need to show him what happens. Not just tell him like last time. That is what happened last time. Waited too long, put cream on it and then it was gone by the time I went to go see him.

Aches and Pains

Bah, another day and another day spent fighting my ongoing tiredness. I really have no idea why I am so tired and why I can't just shake it off. Its rather annoying. I feel so weak for it too. Like I can't recover like a normal person. My joints are also really hurting. My right thumb for example is so sore as are both of my shoulders. The shoulder thing makes it difficult for me to sleep properly at night. I can't count the number of times that I woke up in the middle of the night last night to physically turn myself over. I wonder if it is just because I'm so tired that i don't turn in my sleep and I'm just a log? I have no idea.

I need to figure out what is going on with the body and how to calm it down. How to make me less tired. Why do I constantly want to be sleeping? Not to mention that bit of weird skin rash on the right side of my chest. I showed my mom this morning and she told me to put some cream on it. There isn't really anything other than a dark patch. No dry scaly skin yet. But it does seem to be getting bigger as the days go by. It definitely looks like the beginnings of the same rash as I've previously had.

Exhaustion

Today has been a pretty miserable day. The whole day I was struggling to stay awake and with it. I was so exhausted and groggy from the past week of exerting myself. Long days and not enough sleep its all catching up to me.

But I was pretty much a walking zombie for most of the day. Making bad decisions after bad decision.

I more or less slept until noon today. I was up for about an hour during the morning to eat breakfast and then I went back to sleep. It was broken sleep. Not very restful, but I felt a lot better afterwards. But by the later afternoon I was failing already. Barely staying awake. A bath later and dinner, so now I'm here. Typing away.

Hopefully I can go to sleep earlier today and get more rest than normal. Its been such a crazy week and I've been so tired. 

Tiredness

Today for some reason I just feel utterly out of it. I ended up sleeping fairly early last night - around 10 which is a lot better than what I've been doing lately. But in the morning I just couldn't keep my eyes open. So I kept sleeping. I slept an extra hour and a half which made me feel a lot better. But then at work I was sleepy again. I don't know why. I had a pretty active weekend and didn't really get a chance to rest so maybe that is what is causing this. But it seems so silly to be so tired from doing so little and only for a couple of days. I don't know how people have such long days constantly and I can't handle it a couple times.

Things to Know For Your First Electrocardiogram

Or, notes to myself for the next one. 

• Bring running shoes.
• Wear comfortable pants that you can move in.
• If you're a girl, wear a comfortable bra - you're going to be wearing it during the test.
• Bring some water.
• It's not as scary as it looks.
• The stickers on your body are going to be itchy.
• The gown they make you wear is really cumbersome and heavy. 
• Next time will be easier.

A New Life Experience

Today, I went to see a cardiologist at one of the hospitals here. She is my father's doctor during his recovery period from his surgery. Because of my father's unusual circumstances and the fact that he did not display the normal symptoms of having a heart attack and heart disease, they want to be careful and see if my brother and I have inherited this defect from my father.

His cardiologist arranged for me to be referred to her and they set me up to do a stress test to see how my heart and blood pressure performs under exercise. I really had no idea what to expect. I should have done a little bit of research, but I feel like if I did that then I would have been more scared than I already was. When they took my resting heart beat, it was a lot faster than what it is normally because I was so nervous and anxious. I was just afraid of the unknown I guess. This is a totally new experience and hospitals are relatively foreign to me. Before going to that hospital in Slovakia last year I don't even remember the last time I was in one. 

They had a ECG (electrocardiogram) machine with a bunch of wires attached to me. The machine is the one in the center right under the monitor and behind the keyboard. It was very clunky. I had to wear a belt like thing on my waist the whole time. There were so many wires! At first, when I was at rest, the things that were stuck onto my were really itchy. I just wanted to scratch at everything, but I resisted the urge. I've actually done a ECG before. Way back when I fainted in Slovakia. The doctors there wanted to make sure my heart was okay. But this was a very different experience. 

The treadmill they put me on was weird. Very different from the ones that you find at gyms. You can see it above on the right. They have intervals set out and it increases every 3 minutes. I was surprised at how fast the thing was going even from the start. I feel like if I haven't been exercising on and off the past few months I wouldn't be able to keep up. Every time the pace quicken, they also increased the incline of the treadmill. Every couple of minutes my blood pressure was taken as well. 

I had no issues for the first 3 sets of intervals. But the 4th one was really uncomfortable so I asked to stop. The pace was one that we between a run and a walk. It was too fast for me to walk, my strides aren't long enough. But much too slow for me to jog. I was already sore from running yesterday so trying to lengthen my stride was rather painful so I gave up. The gown that I was wearing didn't help matters either. It kept getting caught up. But it was okay. They wanted my heart rate to get to 175 and it did that already.

It was interesting to watching my heart rate go up and down. When the pace of the machine changed, my heart rate would increase, but as I stayed at one pace for awhile, it would fall back down again. At the last interval I think my heart beat got up to 184 but within a minute fell back down to 179 where it stayed. 

I met with the cardiologist immediately after the stress test and she went over my test results. I had my cholesterol taken previously and she was really happy with that. My bad cholesterol score was really low - for most people they need to be medically brought down to that point. I had more good cholesterol than I did bad as well so that's really healthy. My heart rate was normal - no weird patterns and when it was brought down to rest, it performed normally as well. My blood pressure was fine the whole time. So all in all, I have a good heart. It's just about keeping it up and maintaining it. Exercise and eating healthy. Less meat. 

I have a follow up ultrasound of the heart. I've been put on the wait list so really it can happen any time they have a cancellation. Because my father's condition was a result of a valve, they just want to take a look at mine to make sure it is operating fine. 

So this is good news. This is one less thing for me to worry about. So many other things on my mind. 

Dreams So Real

Last night I had a dream that felt so real to me that when I woke up I was sure it was happening to me. It was all related to my health - something that I've been worrying about (but trying hard not to as I wait). My doctors are giving me the run around. My family doctor says I need to see a specialist and referred me to one, but I can't make the appointment - they have to. They said they sent my file, but when I called the specialist, they don't have anything. And so I keep having to wait. I've called and called. I'm sure the specialist office thinks I'm a pest calling every day. But I have to. I have a timeline, if I want to go back to Budapest. Plus, this is the initial meeting. I'm sure there will be more tests and follow up appointments. I only have 6 weeks left now.

My dream last night was one where I had a major flare up with patches of rashes all over my body, aching bones and general discomfort. I was convinced when I woke up that it was actually happening and it was all over my body. But thankfully it wasn't and it was all a dream. But it was unsettling and until I know for sure either way, its going to continue to be unsettling.

I'm sick of waiting for confirmation. The signs are all there (mostly), and the blood work so far proves it. Of course there are other possibilities than what I think it is, but regardless, there is definitely something wrong. I just want to know so I can focus on getting better and figure out how to manage it. Most days I feel absolutely fine. Occasionally some soreness in my bones - mostly my wrists and sometimes in my elbow and arms. But it could just be me being paranoid. I try not to dwell on it too much, but some days when I'm hurting, I just can't help it. I just want to know and I'm so sick of waiting.

I've made my peace with it. I'm prepared for the worst already, but secretly hoping that its not as bad as I think it is. My mother gives me hope that it'll be okay. She is living proof of it.

The Trip That Almost Was

The following post was originally written in the summer of 2012. You can read the original post here. 

I should be writing this entry from a beach in Croatia, soaking in the sun and the heat, but I’m not. Instead, I’m sitting in bed trying to find the most comfortable position that doesn’t anger my back or put too much pressure on my stomach. Why? Because, apparently I have some sort of infection in my abdomen, but the doctor isn’t exactly sure what it is that I have.

It all started on Sunday evening. I was coming home from a wedding in the Southeast part of Hungary (more about this later) and  when we started approaching Budapest, I realized I wasn’t feeling so great. By the time I got home, I knew something was wrong. I was feeling extremely flushed, dizzy and lightheaded. I thought that maybe it was my blood sugar based on previous experience, but eventually I figured out it was probably a fever. When I took my temperature, it was at 38.8. Definitely a fever. I had spent the majority of the day in the heat and under the sun so I figured it was probably a result of that. I put myself in bed, took an anti-inflammatory pill, rearranged my schedule for the next day and hoped that it would go away the next day.

Nope, it didn’t. My fever returned the next morning and lasted the majority of the day. By late afternoon, it had calmed down, only to return in full force right before I slept at night. That night was miserable – I barely slept. The next morning I made an appointment and went to go see a doctor. A couple tests later and I have a bit of a diagnosis. They’re not exactly sure what exactly it is that I have, and have sent samples to other labs for analysis.

The antibiotics that I’ve been prescribed don’t seem to be doing anything yet and I’m still in constant pain. None of the pain killers do anything. The good thing is I don’t have a fever anymore! Just general tiredness, dizziness and light-headedness. I’ll be headed back to the doctor tomorrow for a follow up.

But for now, I can only pretend that I’m sinking my toes into the sandy beaches of Croatia. There are still many weeks of summer left though so the trip will happen!

Welcome!

I will be writing about my trails and tribulations through the Canadian health care system as they try to diagnose an illness that I have. These writing are mostly for me, an outlet of sorts, but if I can help you in any way, then I'm happy. 

In the summer of 2012, I got inexplicably ill. High fever, lots of pain, dizziness and fever. I was bedridden for a week and then later developed a rash that won't go away. I was working and living in Hungary at the time and the doctors there were unable to find any reason for why I got sick. Since then I have moved back to Canada have gone to see numerous doctors to find reasons for why I have been feeling so crummy lately and to figure out a course of action.

This is my journey.